When the Roles Begin to Reverse

There’s no official moment when your parents become “aging parents.”

No announcement.

No paperwork.

Nobody rings a bell.

It seems to happen in tiny moments instead.

They ask you to handle something they always handled themselves.

They decide they’d rather not drive somewhere.

You notice them moving a little more carefully.

You find yourself explaining something on their phone for the fourth time while wondering who designed the phone in the first place because, frankly, they may have a point.

And then one day you hear yourself say:

“Text me when you get home.”

Wait.

What?

Wasn’t that their line?

Somewhere along the way, the people who worried about us have become people we worry about.

It’s such a strange shift.

And I’m not sure we talk enough about all the emotions tucked inside it.

There’s gratitude that they’re still here.

There’s love.

There can also be irritation, worry, sadness, impatience and then guilt because you were impatient.

It’s quite a cocktail.

I think part of what makes this particular life change difficult is that we’re not only responding to what’s happening now.

We’re noticing time.

The parent in front of us may not quite match the parent who lives in our head.

The one who could fix everything.

Carry everything.

Drive anywhere.

Know what to do.

Maybe there’s a little grief in realizing that version of them isn’t permanent.

But there’s something else here too.

A chance to know them differently.

Not simply as Mom or Dad.

As people.

People who are changing, just as we are.

People who might be frightened by some of these changes too.

Maybe loving our parents as they age isn’t about pretending nothing is changing.

Maybe it’s about staying curious enough to see who they are now.

If You’re Curious…

• When did you first notice your relationship with your parents beginning to change?

• Is there something about this season you’re grieving without having called it grief?

• What might you discover about your parents if you became curious about who they are now?